THE FRIEND

“You…You got what I neeeeeeed. But you say he’s just a friend…But you say he’s just a friend…”

TRENTON: Why don’t women realize that when they say “my friend” it is a dead giveaway that it is a person of the opposite gender that they either have slept with or plan on sleeping with? If one more girl tells me she has to go and do something with her FRIEND instead of linking with me….

Hmmm….

ERIKA: I was on a quasi date recently, and realized that I was referencing Adonis to this new dude as my FRIEND. Why can’t I call him my friend, because he’s seen me naked? How else do I refer to my booty call? Not entirely a misrepresentation. Later in the date, I explained that I needed to leave early to go and pick up some materials from one of my play brothers and called him my FRIEND. Same word, different connotations.

ME: (in a conversation w/my Daddy) My FRIEND and I are going out of town this weekend.

DADDY: Your FRIEND? Is that the current terminology for your gentleman callers?

I know back before my days spent with Kim Jong Il, I used the word FRIEND when speaking to potential suitors because really, how else do you tell one date about another? As I was always on a race to become Mrs. Whoever, I didn’t want to appear the freaky gurl he couldn’t take home to momma.

While I spoke avidly to my homegirls about my harem, I didn’t EVER let on to the dudes I was dating, courting, hanging with that they were all in the running to be Lauren’s Next Top Hubby Candidate.

I did end up telling the ex that he was one in a harem because he came across soooooo arrogant, I figured it would knock him down a peg.

Since I was abstaining from doing the bedroom boogie with EVERYONE while he and I (and the other fellas) were dating, there was nothing wrong with me telling him I was dating A LOT.

In hindsight, I realize the possibly catastrophic outcome that could have happened in this conversation. Now knowing his temper, it could have been an extremely VOLATILE situation. Thank G-D I chose to do it in a very public place..

His response?

“That’s fine. Keep your harem, just know that at some point I am going to stage a coup.”

Hmmmmm.

Ten points for Mr. Il.

At the time, the bravado impressed me. I always liked a man who could exude confidence. (Little did I know then it was all just a front….sigh)

As I have remained friends with many of my ex suitors, does the fact that we were once romantically or intimately involved negate the fact that there were some truly strong elements of friendship between us?

Sadly, I've found that yes, it does.

I often have the argument with some of my involved girlfriends that men and women can not truly be friends. My stance is built upon the fact that at some point in time, one party will always be attracted to the other, rarely does it happen at the same time, but when it does, it makes for a very sticky predicament between the involved parties. The temptation is always present. The curiosity constantly nibbles at the perimeter of one’s mind.

Could it work between us?

What does her 'Ohhh Face' look like?

My mom really likes him, I really like him, what else does it take?

I was reading the homie @blackiecollins’ blog post about FRIENDS with Bennies. http://blackiecollins.blogspot.com/ Ill met by moonlight poor Steve and Blackie?

I too had a Steve, actually his name was Andre, but he was my BOY, my homie, my ace boon coon.

Andre and I were besties AND HE WAS STRAIGHT!! YAY!!!

We were ALWAYS hanging out.

Like, if Andre was somewhere, so was I. Folks in our circle of friends would spot one of us and know the other couldn't be too far off. We hadn’t known each other long, but we spent such ridiculous amounts of time together, I couldn’t help but feel like we’d been friends forever.

When I moved into my apartment Andre and the boys were there to unload the truck and help me get it together.

Andre bought me my first groceries and helped me to clean the house.

Knowing I was terrified of being totally alone, Andre spent many a night crashed on my couch till we thought it silly and started sleeping in the bed together. We were FRIENDS, what could happen?

Stupidstupidstupid me.

What happened was a tranquil and easy relationship was sabotaged by yours truly because I missed him as my FRIEND….terribly. Andre was a good guy, still is, but we wanted different things from a relationship.

At the time, I was on the freeway of love w/marriage as my final destination, and he was happy just to be with me.

That should have been enough.

After all, Andre was my FRIEND, and he’d been a good FRIEND. Logic dictated that he should have been a good boyfriend, but sadly it wasn’t so.

I’ve recently tried to reach out to him, because I still miss him as my FRIEND, but I ruined something between us that can’t be rebuilt.

We’ve hung out since then, but there’s always that ghost of what we were when we were together hanging over us. There’s a whole section of my life I can’t talk about with him without running the risk of hurting him.

Can’t crack jokes about my failed marriage with a man you’d discussed a happily ever after with.

Can’t lament about bad dates.

Can’t rave about good dates.

Andre isn’t my FRIEND anymore because Andre and I broke the FRIEND code and shared a different love once. It becomes painful to try to be around each other because we really aren’t FRIENDS anymore.

I’m not waxing poetic about a relationship I allowed to implode, but it did get me to thinking….

Ladies, perhaps we need a better term for the men we keep on deck or those that have already struck out. Something to use when calling someone an EX or FRIEND just feels wrong. Ex makes it seem like there was something horrible about the person or situation and FRIEND is misleading.

@candice202 is my FRIEND.

@manywomen is my FRIEND.

Andre is not my FRIEND anymore. He’s something altogether different….But what is he?

Let’s be real, no one wants to tell a would-be-bedfellow that someone else is still tapping it from time to time…. Andre is DEFINITELY not tapping it, but I would like to have him around… What do I call him.?

Suggestions?