WTF is Up W/Jumpoffs? A Fable of Sorts PT 3

I went out for coffee (not soup) w/a homie from high school to catch up face to face instead of via email as we’d been doing for a few months now. Over the years we’ve amused each other with out sordid dated stories. we never dated but there was always a mutual pining admiration for one another.

He, much like I, have had a long history of attracting some odd ducks. Like attracts like I suppose. Over coffee, he proceeded to fill me in on his last year.

Oh

My

God

I found myself looking at him incredulously in part because some of the stuff he was saying sounded far too far fetched to be fact. There were a few times I actually was slack jawed.

I mean, just wow.

I also had to give him a few side eye glances because this is a man I’ve always considered brilliant, and that is not an adjective I use (and mean liberally) so I found the choices he made recently to be absurd.

Carlos, has ALWAYS kept a crazy girl on deck. ALWAYS.

He's a good dude, good looking, with ambition and drive, can play the resume game, WELL and takes care of himself physically. I guess part of the reason things have never gone further is 'cause if I'm the sanest chick in your address book, something is a little wrong. If he hadn’t been through the ish I’m about to regale you with, he made have made it into the file of possible 2^nd husbands.

I’m not even going to address the situation with his GF other than to acknowledge that he has one and who made the mistake of strongly encouraging their cohabitating. What was supposed to be short term became a longer stint than he had sought out. (Think of Derwin & Janay minus the baby situation.)

Encroaching on Carlos’ personal, physical, mental, and emotional space drove him to take the route so many fellas unprepared to deal with the real problems at hand take and take on a jumpoff as an escape or elixir to alleviate the stress from home.

And here, boys and girls is where the story takes a truly unfortunate turn.

Though he claims he thoroughly explained “the situation” (don’t you just love when someone refers to their relationship as such?) to the jumpoff, and she feigned understanding, he omitted the cohab detail. At the time, Jumpoff lived in another city so what goes on outta town stays outta town, right?

WRONG!

Upon learning that Carlos had a roommate and could therefore not engage with Jumpoff a 3^rd time (yeah, they only smashed twice. Not two episodes of multiple frolicking. LITERALLY two naked climaxes) lil buddy opened the floodgates of crazy she must’ve been fighting to keep up.

I gotta shake my head as I type this ‘cause lil buddy makes Lynn Whitfield in Thin Line Between Love & Hate look sane.

Jumpoff contacted his wifey on facebook, and spoke to her several times for a week.

Jumpoff created a facebook page devoted to him.

Jumpofff called his bosses and faxed his job EVERY FIVE MINUTES FOR TWO WEEKS told them he was a convicted murderer & rapist, that he was willingly spreading HIV with underage girls, that he tortured small animals in his mother’s basement.

Jumpoff created a blog in which she detailed her stalking of him & a twitter account to keep people posted on what he was doing. (I’m kinda salty that shorty has more follows than me.)

Jumpoff hired a team of people to watch him in various quadrants of the city, WITH BINOCULARS at all times & report to her so she can blog & tweet about it.

Jumpoff left him numerous voicemail messages threatening him with physical violence and even gross and disgusting methods of murder and torture.

At least she hasn't Jazmin Sullivan'ed him yet.... (knock on wood.)

Carlos has been enduring all this for 6 MONTHS.

I'm curious to know, what does she expect to come from all of this harassment? Seriously folks, after you've acted a monkey fool with someone you were dating, have they EVER been all keen to come running back to you and smother you with affection?

"Baby, I'm soooo glad you messed up my credit! If you hadn't I would never have known we were meant to be together!"

Nooooooo Ma'am.

Several tens of thousands of dollars later in legal fees and many amended restraining orders later, she is still up to her antics. I wanted to check her blog, but apparently the more hits she gets the more she feels validated.

DENIED. Not from me chickie.

Where is the GF in the midst of all of this, you ask?After receiving the phone call, fairly early in their relationship, she suggested Couple's Counseling.....

They've been in counseling now for 7 months out of an 8 month "situation."

I had to laugh as he told me this. Hell, he was laughing as he told me this, not that either of us think the murderous parts are funny, but he definitely made my brief stint in the matrimony pen look like a breeze.

He has admitted in hindsight that he was the one in the wrong in this situation, though if I do say so myself, Jumpoff is taking things a bit too far to have only slept with ‘Los twice. Twice.

(I can’t even front. When he told me that, my affection hungry ass gave him a different type of side eye. Either lil buddy wasn’t used to nuthin, or he PUT IT ON HER. These days I may be willing to risk a friendship like the one he and I have to find out….I’m just sayin…sounds like “Los “Has a big EGO…” lmao...sorry I couldn’t resist)

I’m glad that he has learned his life lesson from this experience. Here’s hoping y’all reading can handle your situations with more aplomb. It's hard to get that "Kobe Special" when you've spazzed out and smashed up some shit.

MORAL OF THE STORY IS:

DON'T HAVE A JUMPOFF!!!

DUH!!!!

Listen to what people say and don’t try to read what you want between the lines.

If Jumpoff had done this, none of the crazy-ass-aftermath would have occurred.

SMOOCHES!!!!

SHINE ON!!!