I wasn't entirely sure what he expected the vetting system to entail, but from what he described, it sounded primarily like an interview process that would-be suitors would have to endure before being deemed worthy by the family.
I have no problem grilling chicks who my brothers are dating. I was preparing to sign on for this notion in full until I realized that I WAS THE ONLY ONE who'd be participating in the vetting.
Mommy & Daddy are both remarried, Lil' Bro fell out of one relationship and into another, and Baby Bro is the EPITOME of a serial monogamist. That leaves the poor-ole-pathetic-nearing-spinster-age-divorcee-eldest daughter to bring poor schmucks to the familial house to be subjected to grilling by my over 6' tall brothers(one of whom is en route to being commissioned as a marine officer), my Reverend Step Daddy, & take no shorts (even though she is short) mom.
AWESOME
For most people, this vetting process would not be such an ordeal. The idea of bringing home BFs to the fam for the obligatory meet & greet would seem the natural progression in the dating game. For me, this is an awful idea because
I HAVE AWFUL TASTE IN MEN
I can say this with confidence because looking back over my track record, yeah the dudes have done some dumbdumb insentive, thoughtless, disrespectful things, but people will only do to you what you allow them to do, right? So after a while, you're forced to wonder,
How much of this is my fault?
I'm going to take the onus and say that pretty damn much all of it is my fault because I have an uncanny knack of falling for the MANCHILD over and over and over again.
Mind you, this is not the same MANCHILD I keep dating, but it may as well be. I pick the same man over and over and over again in different skin, garb and profession, but he's the same dude through and through.
What's a MANCHILD? You ask?
Sure, I'll put you on.
A MANCHILD is a grown man for all intents and purposes who refuses to fully grow up. What I mean is that his calendar age by no means matches his behavior and attitude towards life. Like, the dudes I date are all Lost Boys.
No, not the Corey Haim 1987 Vampire Movie and no, not MCs from Queens.
I keep dating the Black Peter Pan over and over again. #noMJ
Through my willing suspension of disbelief I exist happily in Never Never Land with him, until I remember my age and what I want outta life and have to get the hell outta dodge, until I meet another fella who doesn't wanna grow up and the whole thing starts all over again.
Why do I subject myself to this foolishness, you ask?
Because I'm a glutton for punishment, I suppose.
The real reason I keep dating the MANCHILD over and over and over again is 'cause I like to think of myself as a creative and unfortunately I have yet to meet a GROWN MAN who is also a creative.
In order to fully grow up, you have to stop believing in the possibility of earning a living through your art, your craft. You have to give up hope and be practical. It's like being creative/artsy renders you an idiot savant unable to be fully mature, but just mature enough to pass as a grown up.
Creativity has become an emotional fake ID. You can pass for a GROWN MAN but eventually the emotional bouncers'll kick you out of the club.
Don't get me wrong, I have had the opportunity to go on a date or two with a GROWN MAN.
I would be lying if I said it was pleasant.
Once, I was actually so bored out of my mind as he discussed the issues affiliated with the myriad of paperwork he had to complete in detail to be successful enough to move up from their shared cubicle to a private one, I ended up imagining a tryst with our waiter while he talked.
My parents would be so proud.
What gives?
What is it about men who possess any level of creativity that renders it impossible to have a normally progressing relationship?
What is it about me that I can't shake my level of addiction/attraction to them?
Hello. My name is Lauren, and I'm a MANCHILDaholic.
Vexed though I am about the situation, I'm not sure that my addiction is one I'm ready to kick. Seriously, I've found myself feenin' for a fix of a MANCHILD's attention, shallow, incomplete, and inconsistent though it is.
There have been days when I've cried myself into a panic attack behind some MANCHILD's actions, sobbed myself silly, and gasped for air wishing that I could escape the addiction that kept putting me in emotional harm's way. Their selfishness is the deepest thing about them. it knows no bounds....
Yet and still, I will almost always choose the MANCHILD over the GROWN MAN. Unless I am able to find the unicorn that is a GROWN MAN who embraces the creative. I suppose I am a glutton for punishment. As this year and decade draws to a close, I wish that I could say I plan on swearing them off completely.
Le sigh...
Maybe I'll start a support group.
SMOOCHES!!!
SHINE ON!!!
3 comments:
This post is fraudulent...you're just venting. Why don't you tell the whole story...you've seen and had unicorns.
I've seen and had Unicorns (GROWNMEN who appreciate the creative yet still handle their BI,) 'tis true. I've also played some significant role in ruining relationships with Unicorns because I was so used to the fuckery that is a relationship with a MANCHILD.
Unfortunately, mythical creatures have a short shelf life in the real world, hence the reason they are mythical creatures.
It's the end of a ROTTEN year and a decent decade, hence I am allowed to vent. This does not negate the fact that I still know I have AWFUL taste in men.
That's my lot in life & I accept it.
Perhaps the world for me would be better if I could love women instead.
You have described my life. I could not have found better words....
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