Love is not finding someone you can live with. It's finding someone you can't live without. "
-Rafael Ortiz
Not a difficult idea to grasp, but for some reason, damn near impossible for most people to put into action.
When I say people, I am specifically talking about people in relationships. Why is it that so many people take their significant others for granted until they're afraid that they are going to vanish?
When trying to gain a girl or a guy, people tend to put their best selves forward. They are charming, sweet, affectionate, funny, all of the things necessary to lure the possible significant other in. Think of it like the pretty part of a venus flytrap.
But once most people get the person they're pining after, things tend to change.
Spouses stop taking care of themselves physically 'cause they're overly comfortable in their relationship.
BF's stop doing the romantic gestures that originally won them a girl out of their league.
Lovers become inconsiderate because they're overly comfortable with their mate.
The sex stops being attentive, passionate, sensitive.
PS When folks gain weight 'cause of being happy with who they're with, I call it the Fat Happy In Love Disease. It's WORSE than the Freshman 15.
Why?
Why allow being comfortable to sabotage your happiness?
Most folks out there dating/courting/being with someone have it TOTALLY twisted. The work shouldn't be trying to win the person. It's easy to be good and kind and wonderful to someone for a short period of the courtship. Even the greatest *sshole in the world can manage to be charming for a brief period.
The work should be in KEEPING the person because that requires that you be good and kind and wonderful to someone for a LONG period of time. It isn't enough to bait the person and get them on your hook. The trick to being a good mate is keeping them hooked.
I'm not advocating being a performer or being phony to the person your are offering your heart to. I'm saying that these are traits you should display in life PERIOD. If you love someone or care for them, why shouldn't they ALWAYS get the best of you? Who or what rainy day are you saving it for if not them?
When I would complain that he no longer showed me the same undying affection and attention that he used to 1st Husband used to say something that drove me MAD (and not in a good way.)
"We don't have to do all that sappy, romantic stuff . That sh*t is so commercial and for people who want what we have. (WORD?) We have our whole lives to live together to show how we feel. I'm home every night with you, (No, you're really not) wake up every morning with you, (Again, Negative.)....Shouldn't that be enough to show you how I feel?"
ummm.. DENIED.
Being around someone all the time does not quality time make. Being in the same space and barely acknowledging a person is not pledging your love to them. It doesn't make someone feel appreciated just 'cause you're there and your eyes are glued to whatever version of Madden I pre-ordered on Amazon.
You don't get to be selfish and self centered just because you now "have" the person in your life. They are giving you the gift of their love; the greatest gift anyone person can give another person.
Take care of yourself and your mate because that is what you SHOULD do.
Be considerate and affectionate to your partner because that is what you SHOULD do.
Be honest and consistent with yourself and them because that is what you SHOULD do.
Just saying that you love them yet doing things that conflict with what love is supposed to be is not fair and is taking the object of your affection for granted. Actions ALWAYS speak louder than words.
Think I'm lying? Don't wanna listen to me? Guess what happens next.
No one, unless they're a martyr trying to win nominations for sainthood, wants to do things in a relationship and see no return. One can only take someone for granted for so long before they get fed up and eventually tell you to "go and do you."
They spend some time alone, they regroup, they get back to their fighting weight/full flyness, and they get happy again.
Nothing makes someone more attractive and enticing than someone who is confident and happy about who they are and the life they live.
Eventually, they find someone new who does appreciate them, who does value them, for a little bit longer than the courtship phase, who makes them laugh, who understands their idiosyncrasies a little better than you did and then what do you do? Like an asshole you start saying and doing all of things you should have done when the person pledged their love to you.
le sigh
Avoid all the drama. If you're with someone you love, and you truly love them, don't wait for them to be off and happy with someone else. Treat the person you love with the same attention and gusto you do when you are first trying to lure them and attract them to you and (if it's what the two of you want) you'll find you'll live happily ever after together.
SMOOCHES!!!
SHINE ON!!!!!
1 comments:
I liked the part where you talk about continuous courtship. Because I truly believe that when you get sloppy and let it go with the one you love, you are doing that person and yourself a disservice. It's about being the best you can be. All the time. And you fail, and you try again- and the whole time, this person who commits their being to you is in a position where they are being treated as they deserve. This is a vice versa action.
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