The Vagina Monologues

Dear Lauren,

I'm a talker. I like to talk to people. I like to talk about people. I especially like to talk in bed. I pretty much get my full porn star on with the stuff I say to the guys I'm sleeping with. Believe me, it helps the "mood" sometimes. I guess I can say some pretty off-the-wall stuff. This weekend, I said something romantic, soft and pink to a dude mid stroke, and it has changed the dynamic of our relationship. He has gotten very clingy and wants to be around me all the time. This really isn't what I wanted from him.

My question to you is, what is the statute of limitations on pillow talk?

-Chatty Cathy.

Oh my. The things some of you chicks find to complain about will never cease to amaze me. sigh. I'll be nice.

Erika? Is this you?

So basically, you're saying you're a bit of a freaky gurl and now he may be trying to bring you home to momma? (ANOTHER Gucci Mane quote? Really Lauren? DENIED! You're back in the NY girl! Act like it! This must cease!)

The voyeur in me almost wants to know what you said, but a part of me also feels I'm too young to listen in on your verbal porn. So I'm going to take a shot in the dark and assume that you most likely told dude that the kitty was his, right?

I'll wait.

I'll take your silence as an agreement.

Pillow talk, you bedroom Baudelaire, is tricky business.

I um, know a few "nice girl" chicks who have said some freak nastiness while in the throes of passion grinding up against some man, but once the do is done, the lover doesn't treat them any differently.

I also um, know a few dudes who have a tendency who, when about to suffer le petit morte, pledge their allegiance to the hosting pussy so much you'd swear it was a nation of its own. Post nookie they go back to business as usual and forget all the promises they made. Bastards.

Coitus convos should be regarded like Vegas, what happens during, stays there and don't bleed into your regular existence.

So Cathy in your case basically, it's kinda true because he wants it to be true. Your dude is treating you like you are his because he probably wanted to you be his for a minute, but lacked the words to say it.

Enjoy it while you can. The takeaway from this experience for you should be

Always be deliberate with your words and try not to use them to mislead.

or in layman's terms:

SHUT THE FUCK UP UNLESS YOU MEAN WHAT YOU'RE SAYING...

SMOOCHES!!!

SHINE ON!!!!